enough with the self care already.

Lately I’ve been caught up in the work I should do in order to grow and better myself. I’ve thought “I should read more, I should meditate and practice mindfulness, I should go to therapy more often, I should journal.” What I’ve discovered is by trying to incorporate all of these new “healthy” habits into my life, I’ve become so fixated on doing more that I’ve overwhelmed myself with all the additional work I should be doing. I’ve found myself becoming more and more anxious and longing for additional hours in the day to practice self care. Pretty ironic, huh? I’ve always been a perfectionist, and what I’ve noticed recently is that while attempting to improve my mental health, my obsession with being perfect has translated to feelings of inadequacy when I don’t feel that I’m doing enough for it. I’ll preach to anyone about how important it is to make mental health a priority, while slowly letting my prioritization of it cause me even more anxiety.

I think what I need or what I’m looking for now is balance. Mental health is important. Self care is necessary. What isn’t necessary is striving to be so good at managing my mental health that I drive myself even crazier than I was in the first place. Does anyone else do this? I’m sure they do. I follow plenty of “influencers” on instragram who share their struggles with mental health along with a flawless selfie or the most aesthetic photo of a perfectly placed cup of matcha. Talk about pathology. But I get it. Like I said, I strive for that perfection constantly. Even as I write this I wonder, am I doing this for me or am I do this to meet some unspoken mark? Am I really that concerned with self-improvement or just the image of it that I display for everyone else? I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out. I always say one of my number one goals is to stop caring so much about what other people think of me. I’m hoping this is a good place to start.